Thoughts from 2007...

This morning when I got up, I went to the bathroom and got on the scale. The same thing I do every morning. I guess I do this in hopes of loosing 10 pounds in my sleep. I’m not really fat, but I could stand to snore off a couple of lbs. I’ve been going to Bally off and on for about a year now and I’ve seen improvement. But what’s better is that everyone else has seen improvements. They say “Ohh girl, you look little”, “How much weigh DID you loose” or my favorite “You’re lookin’ a lil slenderized”. That one was from my line sister.

Before I get in the shower I check my body for any “changes”. A saggyer boob, an extra booty dimple or jiggly old lady arms. Same thing. Every morning. As I get ready for work I put on my clothes and once again, do a self-check. I check my butt in my jeans, do that breast hoist we do, and finally I smooth it out. Perfect!

I’ve never been thin in my life. I was always a little taller, chubbier, and darker than all my friends. But of course I developed my personality to compensate for everything else. I don’t know when this whole weight obsession began, but there were many memories that were branded into my mind. For example, I was in fourth grade and my very best friend was build like a thoroughbred stallion way back in 1990. She was thick before the rappers and video girls appreciated “thickness”. Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t. I was the tall, high waisted, flat-bootyed one. One of my oh-so-mature classmates told me “Ain’t nobody looking at you, you don’t have no shape”. Shape? I was 9 years old.

There have been numerous times when my mom or sister would tell me the infamous “McDonalds” story. They’d say every day before my mom went to work she’d leave my lunch money. Keep in mind I was about 3 or 4 years old. She’d inform my sister or brother to take me to McDonalds for lunch. When we got to McDonalds, they would ask me what I wanted and my answer was always “Cheeseburger, French Fry, Pop”. Everytime. I believe that my generation was the first to be the “fast food kids”. McDonalds Happy Meals, Popeyes chicken, and Burger King were convenient for our busy, working mothers who just needed to give us something that would hold us over until dinner. And having a kid in the backseat scream for chicken nuggets every time you go past the golden arches doesn’t give a parent much of an option to disregard the annoying requests.